this doesn't suck
July 22, 2019

That'll show 'em!

The Trump campaign has made enemies out of diningware, putting packs of Trump-branded plastic straws for sale last Friday under the tagline "liberal paper straws don't work." Despite the missed opportunity to write "liberal paper straws suck," the fundraising attempt appears to have paid off, Trump 2020 Campaign Manager Brad Parscale revealed Monday.

Parscale teased to the Friday release with Thursday tweet that was truly grasping at straws, saying that like paper goods, liberals "squeeze [the economy] until it doesn't work." President Trump on Friday meanwhile argued against banning straws by essentially arguing for banning other, bigger plastic goods.

Parscale's claim of "over $200,000 raised" would rely on the total price of all the straws going directly to the campaign, with no production costs taken out. If that total is actually correct, perhaps Trump should launch a whole plasticware line to help guarantee he's not disposed with the next election. Kathryn Krawczyk

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