On Monday's Late Show, Stephen Colbert reiterated that he was extremely happy to be back in America after his visit to Russia last week. "The whole trip was supposed to be top secret," he explained. "I'm serious. I wanted to get over there and get back before anybody knew. And some traitor leaked that I was over there. Luckily, after an exhaustive search, we have found the leaker — it was me." He showed the tweet he sent to President Trump showing himself in Russia, apologized to himself, then gave some context: "That's me in front of St. Petersburg's Winter Palace — or as they call it, Czar-a-Lago."
While in St. Petersburg, he was the guest on the late-night talk show Evening Urgant — "It's hosted by the very talented Ivan Urgant," he said. "Ivan, I presume, is Russian for 'Jimmy'" — "and while talking to Ivan, I accidentally made some news on purpose," Colbert said. He showed a bit of his interview, and it included some jokes about Russian election meddling that demonstrated some intestinal fortitude, or perhaps comedic foolhardiness. "Now, to be clear, all I said in that little clip there was that I was considering a run" for president in 2020, Colbert explained. "If I decide to run, obviously I'm not going to ask the Russians to help my campaign, okay? I'd have my son-in-law ask them." He ended with some descriptions of his trip that made his late-night jokes in St. Petersburg seem all the pluckier. Watch below. Peter Weber
Stephen Colbert, just back from a trip to Moscow, apologizes to Trump over Russia's election hacking
Stephen Colbert was in Russia last week, he revealed on Monday's Late Show.
His audience may not have been aware of his travels, but "you know who did know I was in Russia?" Colbert asked. "Russian intelligence — hard-core fans, evidently, followed me everywhere." He explained that he and his crew returned from Moscow Sunday night, that he was still on Russian time, and that he would show some of the several segments he shot there in coming weeks.
"But while Russia was fascinating, it is sincerely wonderful to be back in America," Colbert said. "Let's see what everybody's talking about here. Oh that's right, Russia." He walked through the big Washington Post report that former President Barack Obama knew about Russia's specific plot to tip the election to Trump back in August, but eventually did little to stop it. "President Trump is a well-known Russia-hacked-the-election denier," Colbert said, showing video evidence. So he appeared surprised that Trump went all-in on the idea that Obama did nothing to prevent Russia hacking the election in his favor.
Colbert adopted his Trump-tweet voice and paraphrased: "That's right, there was no Russian hacking, period. #FakeNews. Wait, it was Obama's fault? Russia stole our election and Obama let it happen! Thanks, Obama. No, seriously, thanks, Obama. I'm president now. Thanks!" He read the rest of Trump's tweetstorm, stopping to marvel at Trump's new self-adopted nickname, and his chutzpah. "Hold on, nobody is accusing Obama of 'colluding or obstructing,'" Colbert noted. "That's your deal." Trump also demanded an apology over the Russian hacking, and Colbert agreed: "Look, I'm a big enough man to apologize. And I think I speak for the majority of Americans when I say, 'I'm sorry you're president.'"
Colbert ended his monlogue by noting that White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer is no longer letting his press briefings be recorded. "Evidently, while I was in Russia, we turned into Russia," he said. Watch below. Peter Weber
Stephen Colbert kicked off Thursday's Late Show with Wednesday's bombshell that President Trump is under investigation for obstruction of justice. "Looks like Trump's gonna need to change that hat: Make Justice Obstructed Again," he joked. "This is a huge moment, this is a historic moment — the president of the United States is presently under criminal investigation. When the movie comes out, this will definitely be in it."
Special Counsel Robert Mueller has assembled an all-star legal team to conduct the investigation, and that appears to have Trump rattled. He is publicly floating the idea of firing Mueller, for reasons that will likely just backfire. "So Trump just ended up hurting himself with what one White House insider called 'this cockamamie scheme to get Mueller to play ball,'" Colbert said. "Now we don't know who at the White House said that, but I will point out that 'cockamamie' is Mike Pence's dirtiest swear word."
Trump was apparently stung by this news, so he took to Twitter to complain about the "phony" obstruction of justice allegations, and calling the Mueller investigation "the single greatest WITCH HUNT in American political history." Colbert was amused. "Yes, it's just like the Salem witch trials, when those young women were accused of witchcraft and then said 'We did witchcraft' in an interview with Lester Holt," he said. He noted that the Senate overwhelmingly approved a law preventing Trump from lifting sanctions against Russia without congressional approval. "Now that looks like Congress thinks something fishy is going on between Trump and Russia ..." Colbert said, leaving it there.
On Thursday's Jimmy Kimmel Live, Kimmel also took note of Trump's "WITCH HUNT" tweeting and the president's use of #MAGA at the end. "He's even making witch hunts great again," he joked. "I don't think witches play golf every weekend. You know, the way we'll know Trump is a witch is when the White House falls on top of him." But maybe this whole investigation is a witch hunt, Kimmel said, so he turned to a witch, "Abigail Shipton" (Andy Samberg), who confirmed what we already knew. Watch. Peter Weber
President Trump turned 71 on Wednesday, and Samantha Bee celebrated with the beginnings of a poem and a Gallup poll showing Trump's disapproval rating at 60 percent. "Happy 71st, 45, let us know when you get tired of winning," she said on Wednesday's Full Frontal. "We'll be over here, watching America's hottest summer replacement series." The Senate Intelligence Committee is certainly putting on quite a show, but last week's episode was better than Tuesday's, she said. "Compared to Comey Day, Sessions-palooza was a southern-fried snoozefest." Not that it didn't have its moments.
Bee played some highlights of Attorney General Jeff Sessions' testimony — starting with his "essay on What I Didn't Do Last Summer" — including his testy interaction with Sen. Ron Wyden (D-Ore.) and the fawning spy-fiction talk with Sen. Tom Cotton (R-Ark.). "The folksy prevarication elf had just drawled us all into a coma when we were suddenly jolted awake by a fast-talking lady lawyer," Bee said, and she spent the rest of the segment on the travails of Sen. Kamala Harris (D-Calif.), including the frequent interruptions from Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) and the attitude from Sessions, ending with a comparison to the O.J. Simpson trial. There is some NSFW language. Watch below. Peter Weber
On Tuesday, the world tuned in to "everybody's favorite reality TV show, So You Think You Can Testify About Russia," Stephen Colbert said on The Late Show. The contestant this time was Attorney General Jeff Sessions, who was asked a lot of questions but did not provide a lot of answers. "Let me get this straight," Colbert said after playing some clips. "Attorney General Sessions, you're not answering even though the president hasn't claimed executive privilege and you haven't claimed executive privilege. So what are you claiming, white privilege? Because I hear that's a thing."
He ran through the totally not-partisan questioning from senators, mostly Democrats but also one Republican who asked about James Bond, and the various ways Sessions did not answer them. "Wow, Sessions really seems to know nothing," Colbert said. "Explains why he was the first senator to endorse Trump."
Colbert also took a shot at Dennis Rodman's latest visit to North Korea, where the former NBA star suggested that Trump is "pretty much happy with the fact that I'm over here trying to accomplish something that we both need." Colbert shook his head: "Something you both need? You mean a distraction from the Russian investigation? Wait, does that mean Dennis Rodman met Sergey Kisliak for a secret game of one-on-one?" No, but there was one odd detail Colbert dug into: the "secret funding back-channel" Rodman used to pay for his trip. The answer included some fake bong hits and real jokes, and you can watch below. Peter Weber
Stephen Colbert kicked off Tuesday's Late Show with some congratulations for new parents George and Amal Clooney, then turned to the "slightly less important news" about Russian hackers trying to penetrate voter roll databases days before November's election, according to a leaked NSA memo that was all but confirmed by a U.S. senator. "This is how democracy ends, with a fake email sent to the ancient cat lady manning the polling station at your high school gym," Colbert said. "So, who really knows who won Nov. 8 now — I mean, other than Vladimir Putin. Now I'm a little rusty on my Constitution, but I guess that means: new election?" Colbert's audience liked the idea, though constitutional scholars probably won't.
We know the NSA document is not "fake news" because the leaker was immediately arrested, Colbert said. "The leaker's name, and this is true: Reality Winner. So it's official: The Trump administration is at war with Reality." She was apparently caught because the document she leaked was creased, and the NSA tracked down the printer she used based on nearly invisible dots. "Wow, you can trace any document based on the printer," Colbert marveled. "It's like NCIS meets Dilbert."
So the evidence that Russia tampered in the U.S. election is getting pretty strong, but at least one person isn't buying it (mostly): Russian President Vladimir Putin. Colbert played part of Putin's interview with Megyn Kelly, where Putin says maybe U.S. intelligence killed JFK, so they could also have framed Russia. "Nice try, Vlad, but I will not stand by while you try to confuse the American people with bulls—t conspiracy theories," Colbert said, wagging his finger. "That is Donald Trump's job." He ended by explaining how Reince Priebus keeps his job. Watch below. Peter Weber
Stephen Colbert welcomed MSNBC's Rachel Maddow on Monday night's Late Show by noting that all of a sudden, she is the No. 1 star of cable news. She pointed to her unusual format. "I definitely feel like the most important thing that I can do right now is just try to explain stuff," she said. Colbert asked her what she thinks of Trump's trip abroad so far, and she started by laughing at this moment right after he arrived in Israel from Saudi Arabia:
Oh man, watch Israeli ambassador Ron Dermer (on right couch) react when Trump says—in Israel—"We just got back from the Middle East." pic.twitter.com/x7nb4uvqpR
— (((Yair Rosenberg))) (@Yair_Rosenberg) May 22, 2017
"Presidential trips can go either way when there's a president in a time of crisis," Maddow said, noting that when Richard Nixon was fighting the release of his Watergate tapes, he took a trip to Saudi Arabia and Israel, too. Colbert pointed out that Trump has been quiet on Twitter since he left the U.S. Maddow shrugged. Trump doesn't get to make his own news anymore, she said. Now, "the news of the Trump administration is the news of people investigating it and figuring out what's really going on."
Colbert asked Maddow if Trump could be right, that this really is a "witch hunt." She was skeptical. "It's possible it was totally anodyne, that it had nothing to do with the Russian attack on the election that was happening at that same time, it's possible there was nothing nefarious about it at all," she said, but at this point it's up to the Trump White House to explain all the mysterious contacts with Kremlin officials and why Trump's attempts to end the FBI investigation wasn't obstruction of justice.
Is there any chance Republicans would impeach Trump, or would he only face justice if Democrats win Congress in 2018? Colbert asked. "I try not to see it in partisan terms," Maddow said. If it is proved that Trump tried to quash an investigation into his campaign, "it is hard for me to believe that Republicans would not rise above their party in that instance." Colbert wasn't convinced. "My worry is that Donald Trump will just degrade everyone's standards and morals as we pick sides," he said, citing examples. "We're going to have to decide if we're that country or not," Maddow said. "And I think we're not." Watch below. Peter Weber
Elections have consequences, and right now, America is knee-deep in a "steaming pile of consequence," Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday's Late Show. "Because right now, things that are self-evidently bad are being sold to us, by people who know better, as perfectly okay." The Late Show taped before the newest scandal surrounding President Trump hit the presses, so Colbert focused on Monday's bombshell about Trump sharing highly classified information with top Russian officials, with Tuesday's updates. Reportedly, "Israel was the source of the intelligence Trump gave the Russians, and oops-a-shalom, Trump is scheduled to visit Israel next week," he said. "That is really going to be one awkward state dinner."
To tamp down the story, Trump sent out National Security Adviser H.R. McMaster with "a complete denial, by the most respected member of the Trump administration — smart strategy," Colbert said. "And following that, Donald Trump did the right thing by giving someone else the final word and not contradicting it on Twitter — I'm just kidding." In fact, Trump essentially "confessed" to spilling state secrets. "This explains why he doesn't write murder mysteries," Colbert said. "'Chapter 1: I did it.'"
"So to recap," he said, after laying out the details, "Donald Trump admitted to firing the man in charge of investigating his Russian ties, then he met with two Russian diplomats — a meeting that was arranged by Vladimir Putin, and which we only saw because Russian photographers were in there to take photos — and at that meeting, he admits he gave Russian diplomats classified information." Colbert noted some reactions from Republicans, including a pre-reaction from a certain presidential candidate who said we shouldn't allow presidents who mishandle classified and secret information in the Oval Office. "I gotta say," he said, "and I don't care if this is taken out of context, I completely agree with Donald Trump."
Colbert turned next to the other people affected by Trump's scandals. "I do not envy those people at the White House," he said. "I would not want to be working there right now, and apparently neither would the people who work at the White House." He interviewed one of them, and yes, there is a hedge joke in there. Peter Weber