The Democratic Party is the least cool thing on the planet

Consider "Mitch McTurtle"

Mitch McTurtle.
(Image credit: The Nevada State Democratic Party)

Never mind what you've heard. The leader of the Democratic Party in 2018 is not Hillary Clinton or Chuck Schumer or Nancy Pelosi. It is an enormous green face with Veltrex eyes the size of cocktail shakers, a salacious red tongue leaping out of a cavernous mouth, and clasped faux-velvet arms holding a knapsack over his groin. His name is Mitch McTurtle.

This creature is ostensibly the official mascot of the Nevada Democrats, announced earlier this week at a groan-inducing press conference. But Mitch is more than that. He is the barely beating foam heart of the party of FDR and LBJ. He is Pajama Boy, "Pokémon Go to the polls," "7 Ways Hillary Clinton is Just Like Your Abuela," and the "About Me" page of the carpet-bagging moderate who ran against Randy Bryce during the Democratic primary for the Wisconsin seat held by House Speaker Paul Ryan. He is Chuck Schumer making Game of Thrones references in between inventing bad reasons for opposing single-payer health care.

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Matthew Walther

Matthew Walther is a national correspondent at The Week. His work has also appeared in First Things, The Spectator of London, The Catholic Herald, National Review, and other publications. He is currently writing a biography of the Rev. Montague Summers. He is also a Robert Novak Journalism Fellow.